Galadriel is Fired
by Amara Shelton
Summary: Aaah! I'd like to thank all the little people...um thanks everyone for reviewing SO MUCH! Yay! Please give me your opinions on what I should do--other monologues or more of Galadriel's lines? Either way it'll be a while, I have FOTR out on loan.


A/N: HELLOOOO!!! =)=)=) (incredibly perky smile)   
So yeah I love Galadriel's monologue and I have it mostly memorized--this should  
help--and I just wanted to *slightly edit* it to show what III would have said. Which  
shows why I don't get to be a professional Elf-witch and never will. =)))))  
  
Disclaimer: GIVE ME THE LEGGINGS!!! I owneth not LOTR. Nor any of the  
characters therein.   
  
And so it begins...  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
~ Galadriel's voice is heard starting: "The wor--Hey! Give me that mike! NOOOOOO!!!"  
and then it abruptly is cut off. A large THUD is heard. *ahem*. Then a new voice takes  
over in a pseudo-British accent: ~  
  
  
...The world is changed.   
It usually is.  
I can feel it in the water.  
I can feel it in the earth.  
I can smell it in the air.  
Much that once was is lost, for that's what happens to old stuff.  
  
It began with the forging of the great rings, which we never really explain.   
Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest, fairest, smartest, sexiest, and just overall  
the BEST of all beings. Look! LOOK! There's me! HI, ME! *waves to self* See I'm in  
front!!!  
  
Seven were given to the dwarf lords. I don't really know why. They're assholes.   
  
And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of men, who above all else desire chocolate  
fudge sundaes but had to make due with power. Why were they 'gifted' to men? Because  
I was getting tired of saying 'given'. THAT'S why.  
  
But they were, all of them, deceived--for another ring was made.   
  
In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, Sauron forged, in secret, a master  
Ring; one Ring to RULE THEM ALL. That sentence when properly written has four  
commas and a semi-colon. Bullshit.  
  
One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the ring. But there were  
some who had better things to do. A last alliance of Elves and men marched against the  
armies of Mordor, and on the slopes of Mount Doom they fought for the freedom of  
Middle-Earth.   
  
* Fight scene etc. with the Elves KICKING ASS on the stupid Mordor peoples*  
  
Victory was near. But the power of the Ring...could not be undone.   
  
* Sauron comes forth and kills almost everyone, then the king*  
  
It was in this moment, when all hope had failed, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his  
father's sword. Check out those commas, BABY!  
  
* Isildur cuts off the ring, etc., etc. *  
  
Sauron, the enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Ring passed to  
Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil for a little while. Until some new screwball  
came to f*** it up for the rest of us.  
  
*ahem*! But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. *cough* See, if they'd had WOMEN  
in their army then it wouldn't have been so bad. EQUAL OPPORTUNITY!!! Give some  
Rings to women! Would WE have become wraiths? HELL no. We would've just. um. ok  
maybe become wraiths, but we don't know, DO we??  
  
And the Ring of power has a will of its own and some shares in Microsoft. It betrayed  
Isildur--to his death. Serves the bastard right.  
  
And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. Have I mentioned that  
already?  
  
History became legend. Legend became myth. I don't know what the significance of  
noting that is because they're the same thing. Anyway so for over 2,000 years the Ring  
passed out of all knowledge. Until, when really bad luck came, it ensnared a new bearer.  
  
The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty  
Mountains. And there, it consumed him.   
  
The Ring brought to Gollum unnatural long life and a strong urge to give up moisturizing.  
For five hundred years it poisoned his mind and wreaked havoc on his skin-care routine.  
And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited.   
Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. You knew it would. Rumor grew of a  
shadow in the east; whispers of a nameless fear. And the Ring of Power perceived. Its  
time had now come.   
  
It abandoned Gollum. But something happened then that the Ring did not intend. Gollum  
found it again! HAH! But then it abandoned him again and this time it was picked up by  
the most unlikely creature of all; a hobbit--Bilbo Baggins of the Shire. Snazzy, huh??? =)  
  
For a time would soon come when hobbits would shape the fortunes of all. Or more  
accurately, one hobbit. Singular. Specifically, Frodo. Also some elves and a dwarf but no  
one likes them.   
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
A/N: Yeah that was stupid. Oh, well...please review as always! Just a click away! and then  
some more clicks and some words and possibly use of the brain STUPID HONESTY  
Katherine, just kill it. Kill it dead. *ahem* Just a click away! *perky smile* 


End file.
